Thursday, May 13

I Don't Need To Write Rhymes, I Write Checks

The video for Diddy's "Hello Good Morning" was released earlier today. Keeping in line with all of the producer / rapper's other hits, the song is a catchy piece of pop-candy with a video that looks more like a movie than a companion to the song.

Now, I've got a lot of problems with Sean Combs, but there is no denying the man's gift for making boatloads of money off of mediocre talent, and his penchant for making over-the-top, hyper-stimulating videos. Below are a few of his career highlights, ranging from songs that are actually good (Black Rob, whatup!) to songs that are just catchy nonsense (...uh...Ben Stiller?).

Hello Good Morning - 2010

What's more impressive: Rick Ross suddenly being able to rap without drooling on himself, the soupy, keyed beat being saved by some solid drums, Diddy not changing his dance moves or rapping flow since 1998, or that Diddy can stiff afford explosions and helicopters in his videos (A HELICOPTER? In this economy?). Still, the track isn't bad. It falls apart in the third to an extend, largly because it doesn't have T.I or Rick Ross to pick it up, but it'll be another notch on Diddy's hit-belt.

COME TO ME - 2006

Considering that this track reached the top 10 in Billboards Hot 100 back in '06, and taking into account that Press Play debuted at number one, going on to sell over 100,000 copies in an increasingly world-weary music landscape, I suppose I'd have to call "Come To Me" a hit. Regardless, this is the first time I've heard this totally benign song. Further proof that Diddy should stay behind the mic. Oh yeah, there is a Pussycat Doll on this song. Fun.

I NEED A GIRL PT 2 - 2002

This song, however, I do remember. Quick story: I used to play football in high school, and one of the more, ahem, feminine of our wide receivers used to play this song all the time in his Escalade (yeah, I went to the kind of school where kids had Escalades. Not me, of course. I used to ride around in my buddy Mannion's two-door coup, listening to Tha Block Is Hot and Bringing Down The Horse on a boombox in the back seat.). Incidentally, that same wide receiver used to get blow-jobs almost gratuitously in his car, usually with this song or one like it playing. If that doesn't make it a hit, fuck if I know what constitutes "a hit."


Now we're getting somewhere. "Bad Boy For Life," with its Travis Barker and its Ben Stiller and its Dave Navarro and its Scooters, was a super-mega hit, far outdistancing the superior "Let's Get It" in popularity. Its a shame about "Let's Get It," which is still, to this day, one of my favorite rap songs ever. If there is one thing the world needs more of, it's nasty mugs like Black Rob. Even G-Dep comes off like a champ on the song, spitting my favorite line ever: "Shit I was born ready / And I was already on fish and spaghetti." Amen, G-Dep. What ever happened to him?

DIDDY - 2001

Another single off The Saga Continues..., an album that was way more huge than I originally realized. I could talk about The Neptunes beat, a marker of the group's fast-approaching high water mark, or I could talk about how, once again, Sean Combs needs to get off the mic. But I'd rather talk about how much time it took for me to find this video on YouTube (try searching "Diddy" on there and see how long it takes you).

Satisfy You - 1999

This track is off Forever, also known as The P-Diddy Album That Time Forgot, and it really only worth mentioning because the beat is great. So great, in fact, that I wish someone, ANYONE else was rapping over it. Sadly, we get Diddy. The man can make a hit, but he cannot rap to save his life.

Victory / Mo Money Mo Problems / All About The Benjamins / Been Around The World - 1997 (Aprox)

Listen...I'm not sure what to say about "Victory" other than it is the most extravagant, over the top, extreme rap video of all time. It should be required viewing for anyone over the age of 10, and is the benchmark against which all bat-shit insane videos should me measured. Truly a work of art, truly a classic.

Here is the video, and another with just the audio, in case you want to hear the music over the EXPLOSIONS!

The rest of Diddy's 1997 hits range from Iconic (Mo Money Mo Problems) to Hilarious, but listening to these songs, it isn't hard to see why dude made so much money. Dude was, and is, a hitmaker.

Music Videos by VideoCure

This rock remix is...just...the best lil' video. Things start out insane, then get EVEN MORE INSANE.

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